Chapter 14: Captured

I'm gonna go out on a limb and predict that someone gets captured this chapter!

70cm away from the castle entrance.

That's an interestingly-precise measure. I'm guessing that this is actually a more general statement of distance, closer to saying "two feet" or "two and a half feet" in the Imperial System. Though for all I know, Charlie's using his Safety Goggles as a rangefinder to stand exactly that far from the gate.

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Chapter 13: Slavery in Canterlot (Part B)

We return to the construction of the Fairly Large Wall of China ...

Twilight Sparkle was going to walk up the stairs to the top of the large metal walls with six floors made of logs.

... as opposed to the large metal walls with five, or seven floors made of logs ...

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Chapter 17: "Alicorn Combat"

NARRATOR (yelling):AL-i-CORN COM-BAT!!!

(Alicorn fighters appear on either side of the screen with their Health and Power bars)

Sounds like Fightin' Herds to me!

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Chapter 9: Special gadgets and plans

Captain Wei reaches the Kirin village, and once again the omniscient scanners fail to detect the Kirins, which makes me wonder if this is a Kirin power.

Why not? The Kirin canonically hid from the Equestrian Ponies for a very long time.

"Lieutenant general Jin, This is Captain Wan Long Wei me and my squad have arrived in the Kirin village. But there are no signs of any civilization here. Just some empty houses and trees."

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I'm also going to reference AC97's rage review of this chapter, which is available here, because he covered the points so well I wasn't sure if I should bother -- but I decided, why not?

Chapter 10: Rough talk with the griffons

GILDA: If yer inta that kinda thing, that is!

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Chapter 6: Heading to the Kirin village

In the very first paragraph of Chapter 6, we learn the following:

In Canterlot. Twilight Sparkle and her friends have been captured and arrested by the invaders in green suits and black chest armor. And they are now being lead to the throne room by three of them, and they were carrying the same brutal black metal weapons.

Okay.

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Chapter 4: A traumatizing transformation

Aaah! The "trauma" has reached the chapter titles! It's going to break the Fourth Wall and possess our brains!!!

Charlie Lam was walking towards the exit of Ponyville to the forest ...

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I don't appreciate Rage Reviews add my old fanfic to the group.

I mean, come on! I meant to type 'eternal life' not 'internal life'. From now on, I'll add a note to discourage people from adding my fanfics to rage reviews.

They killed my story and it hurts! Not to mention a large number of dislikes!

Please, don't criticize my fanfics anymore, okay? If things are incorrect, please suggest what I have to edit.

Chapter 11: Rough negotiations in the Changeling Kingdom (Part B)

After walking for about an hour through the Everfree Forest, Our Nominal Heroes Charlie Lam and Luster Dawn reach the Changeling Kingdom.

I call foul on this.

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Chapter 15: Consulation

Now this could be "consultation" or "consolation." For reasons involving the contents of the chapter, I suspect the latter. Though I am amused at the thought of Charlie Lam becoming a "consul" (diplomatic representative), given his demonstrated total ineptitude at diplomacy.

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Chapter 10: Rough talk with the griffons (Part B)

I broke off my previous review of this chapter when Charlie Lam and Luster Dawn headed up to the Griffons' cloud city, inexplicably named "the griffonstone cloudsdale" [sic].

Let's examine that name now. I have no idea why Author is calling the city this, as canonically Griffinstone and Cloudsdale are two separate cities; the first inhabited by Griffons and the latter by Pegasi.

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Chapter 3: Arrival and meeting the ruler

Charlie appears in the Everfree Forest near Ponyville, because I'm guessing this is where the Chinese teleporter was focused.

"Whoa, what is this place?" Charlie said with wide eyes. After that, he began to approach the large gate. And once he got there, Charlie saw a devastated town which traumatized him.

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Chapter 11: Rough negotiations in the Changeling Kingdom (Part C)

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Chapter 10, "Rough talk with the griffons," Part C

Now we go to the POV of the Bad Guys.

Back in the military headquarters in Canterlot.

Where?

Seriously, Story can't seem to make up its mind over whether the Chinese have set up their main HQ in Canterlot or in Ponyville. The key seems to be that the invaders occupied "Twilight's castle," and Author seems to be unsure about just which castle this happens to be.

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Chapter 16: Slavery experience (Part B)

It's the Slavery Experience! Get on board the ship for the onerous Middle Passage! Then get auctioned and sold away from all your friends and loved ones for a hopeless life of servitude!

Wow, that got dark fast.

So Charlie and Sunburst get to their literal slave labor together.

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Chapter 12: Failed confrontations in the dragons land

Charlie and Luster Dawn both have been following the long blue stream leading to the Dragons Land for six minutes now.

Six WHOLE minutes! Wow, if they've been galloping along a good road, they've gotten, what, 2-3 whole miles by now!

While they were walking, Charlie had a very disconsolated expression because he remembered what the Chinese soldier said about him and his family,

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Chapter 13: Slavery in Canterlot (Part A)

TRAILER: Slavery in Canterlot, the new epic by Cecil B. DeMille and Michael Bay! See the thrilling tale of inequine cruelty and steamy passions from the Primal Plains! See a proud and lovely mare reduced to writhing servitude by the lash! See one brave stallion stand up and break his chains to fight for freedom!

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Introduction: This, um, unique gem of a fanfic came to my attention in a thread on another site, and has nothing to do with the actual Rage Reviews group. The story itself is available here.

Description:

After the final song of My Little Pony friendship is magic, ...

A curious basis for a chronology, but okay ...

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Chapter 8: Arrival in the Kirin village

Captain Lau unsurprisingly reports to General Jin what happened. Jin is, also unsurprisingly, unhappy at Lau's failure.

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Chapter 13: Slavery in Canterlot (Part C)

Something-something, Roman captives, medieval serfs, blacks in the Old South. I can't be bothered to come up with any actual slavery jokes any more.

Unknown to all of them, Charlie Lam and Luster Dawn were observing Canterlot while sitting on a tree branch. And the sight traumatized the two of them.

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